you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
