So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
