The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
