i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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