remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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