Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
