So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
