from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im holly from the hills drunk
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
