you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
All I want is dick and wine.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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