I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
