The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
