If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
