where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
