i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
