I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
