he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize