I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
