Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
