All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize