I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
