You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
