I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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