you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
