we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
