can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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