His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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