I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
