My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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