Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
