How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
wrigley field is MILF paradise
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize