i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
not ubering you a puppy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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