i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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