my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
