After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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