I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
