Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
