I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
