fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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