the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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