Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
