i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
