If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
