please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
