You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize