I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize