I love black thongs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
