Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
