Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize