I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
