Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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