I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
