His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm too high and old for this...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
