If i come over, it means nothing
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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