with your own penis?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
