Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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