i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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