I faked an abortion last night.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
