he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
