I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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