If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
