White coat. Heels.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
