I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
