I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
