ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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