My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
