there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
