No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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