I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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