Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize