we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
is wine microwaveable?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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