I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
