Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
