your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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