i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I need to stop coming to work sober
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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