I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
