How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
