there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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