he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
