if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Shame - the story of my life.
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