Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
