Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize