I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize