i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He passed out mid-signature
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
