Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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