i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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