Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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