I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I die, sorry about rent.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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