I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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