he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
