Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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