I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He passed out mid-signature
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
