He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
