I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
