He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This is the prime rib incident all over again
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
