so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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