And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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