all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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