Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize