do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
