You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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